Filthy Rich

I am a filthy rich American and I'm tired of it. I have a dorm room full of stuff with still more stuff in my parents home. I want to give it all away. I do not want to replace it with just more stuff this Christmas. I honestly can't think of anything that I need. I wanted a new computer, but this one is working just fine.
I get sick to my stomach when I put on my nice new shoes and I see faces of children who have no shoes at all. I walk into the cafeteria surrounded with food, but I hear everyone (myself included) complain about the food. Why do we do this? We are so very spoiled. We are so rich, yet I can't seem to find it within myself to give to the poor. I consider ending my sponsorship of a little girl in Honduras every month when I balance my checkbook. WHy do I do this? Why don't I trust God with my finances? I look at my picture of Katherine and my heart breaks for her, yet breaks for me and my peers at the same time. She has so little, infact I just want to go give her my clothes. Yet, I receive her letters and they are filled with so much joy and concern about me. Each time she asks me about my health and how I am doing. We are so selfish. I AM SO SELFISH! With my money, my time, and my friends. My heart breaks for us Americans because we are consumed with stuff and not able to experience the joy that Katherine is experiencing in Honduras.
This is not ok. We need to be broken. I need to be broken. Maybe it takes having everything that I hold dear stripped away? Maybe the things that I find my indentity in need to be removed?

Don't look...

Don't look at me
I don't want you to see the trash inside
Or the way I've been destroyed

But don't leave me
I need you to stay by my side
Fight against the ways I push you away

Don't judge me
I just need you to love me
Gracefully invade my privacy

I am at war with the enemy
I have been held hostage by my shame
It is dangerously unpredictable
I am often crushed by the blame

Let us eliminate the foe
The violent beating will stop
As I surrender all control

Beat Me and Break Me

I wrote this several months ago and just found it again in my Bible.... I wrote this after talking to a camper and finding out how her boyfriend was treating her..plus things that I have experienced in my own life. So, it's a combination of my story and another's

We were made to love
But somehow we always end up hurting one another
Some say we're looking for love in all the wrong places
So I will not look to mere humans
To get my fill of love
Go ahead and talk behind my back
Tell me you love me when it's just us
But act like you hate me when others are around
Beat me and break me
Use and abuse me
Hurt me till there is nothing left
At least that's what you think
But there is Someone who thinks otherwise
Despite my scars, bruises, and shattered heart
There is Someone who is ready and willing to pick up the broken pieces
And make me into something beautiful

Someone who will walk beside me when I'm struggling
Instead of just turning their back on me
He is the one who offers
Freedom from captivity
Light to the darkness
Truth to replace lies
Peace instead of chaos
Comfort instead of terror
And love instead of hate

An intoxicating love that has no limitations
Greater than all the hate this world has to offer
It is an unfailing love
One that I desire and He gives freely.

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." - Romans 15:5-6

Today has been a tough and trying day to say the least, but through it all I am reminded of the beautiful communities that I am a part of.

This morning a friend and classmate, Howard Fisher, passed away. As news of his death spread the campus became a wreak. Classes were cancelled and a special gathering in chapel was called. As the entire student body of Montreat College, and the faculty crammed into our chapel, we became more and more unified. As chaplain Steve spoke we just sat there, crying, praying, and thinking about Howie. After Steve was done many of us went to the front to kneel together in prayer. We were there for over an hour. As the chapel echoed with sobs from students and teachers, I couldn't help but picture Howie smiling at us; at us acting like the close community we call ourselves.

Howie was one of those guys that impacted everyone. He always had a smile and an encouraging word to share. I know that he would have been proud of the way the Montreat community was there for each other. The Montreat community was alive and well today, even though we are experiencing great loss. However, we are rejoicing because we know Howie is in a better place, rejoicing with our Savior right now.

Today caused me to rely on other community as well. Part way through the day, when I was just completely overwhelmed, I sent out a couple texts to different members of my TEAMeffort family, and talked to Marie on the phone. It was incredible how loved I felt as I received their responses throughout the day. Things like, "Thank you for letting me know, and you know I will be praying. If you are able to share more later please do. Know that I love you and I'm so proud of you and the God we serve," or "Christina, I can't even imagine! Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as well as his family and the school! If you need to talk, I'm here! I love you!"

My Te family is incredible and I love them so much! Such a huge support system for me, both during the summer and the school year. It put my soul at peace to know that I had "family" praying for me and my classmates, all over the country. It's such a unique bond that we have. One that is oh so beautiful!

Today reminded me more than ever that we were created to be in community with one another. We were created to be relational and to feel both joy and sorrow with those around us.

So Howie we miss you, but somehow you still manage to do great things for this campus even though you are up there dancing on the streets of gold, maybe even wearing a pair of red soccer cleats!

A Little Child

"...and whoever welcomes a little child like this in My name welcomes Me." -Matthew 18:5

My heart is to go and love little children! But right now I am called to be a college student, instead of traveling to the ends of the earth. And while I am loving on the people around me, my heart has been aching to do something more!

Over Christmas break I had been asking the Lord if He wanted me to sponsor a child through Compassion International, but I never got the definite answer of yes. I looked through hundreds of pictures of children online, but there was no way I could pick just one. I knew I wanted a little girl from a Spanish speaking country, but that was all I knew. I was looking for something specific to jump out at me!

I had put it in the back of my mind until yesterday, when a guy from Compassion came and spoke at school. But what was cool is that he didn't pressure us to sponsor a child or talk about how rewarding it was. He didn't even show emotion provoking pictures. He just talked about what it means to be a true worshipper of God!

Then he asked us to come up and just simply pray for the children. I went up to the front table and there were only 2 children from a spanish speaking country, a boy and a girl! I picked up Katherine's packet and just stared at her picture. Then I remembered that I was supposed to be praying for her. I put her packet down and went back to my seat to pray. I asked, "Lord what do you want me to do? Do you want me to bless her like You've blessed me? But I'm just a college student, how can I afford this?" I just sat there and finally said, "Ok Lord if you really want me to sponsor her, I will go up there one more time and if her packet is in the exact place where I left it, I will sponsor her." I slowly walked up there expecting her to be gone! But no, it was exactly how I had left it. I picked it up, read about her. Realized that her profile was one of the few girls I had seen who's favorite thing to do was not playing with dolls, but reading (just like me). Definitely something different and specifice!!! However, I put her down and walked out of the chapel. But the Lord stopped me in the lobby, "Christina, do not walk away from My precious child! Trust me, I will provide a way for you to do this!"

So I walked directly to the table, picked up her packet, and the next thing I knew I was signing a sheet saying that I would be her sponsor, and for just $38 a month I will provide for her!

So now, Katherine Lisbeth Varela Flores is mine, well she is God's child, but I get to have the joy of blessing her. She is absolutely beautiful and I already love her so much and can't stop praying for her throughout the day! my heart goes out to her! She is 8 years old, and will be 9 on May 25th. She is from Honduras and LOVES TO READ!!! I am just filled with so much joy because of this opportunity!

Father thank you for working in my heart and for providing me this opportunity! Be with Katherine throughout the day. Wrap Your arms around her so that she feels Your presence and Your love! Thank You for blessing me so that I may bless others. This is all You and not me at all! Thank You for speaking so clearly to my heart! You are great and mighty and You deserve all the praise. I will worship You and You alone, all of my days!