Don't look...

Don't look at me
I don't want you to see the trash inside
Or the way I've been destroyed

But don't leave me
I need you to stay by my side
Fight against the ways I push you away

Don't judge me
I just need you to love me
Gracefully invade my privacy

I am at war with the enemy
I have been held hostage by my shame
It is dangerously unpredictable
I am often crushed by the blame

Let us eliminate the foe
The violent beating will stop
As I surrender all control

Beat Me and Break Me

I wrote this several months ago and just found it again in my Bible.... I wrote this after talking to a camper and finding out how her boyfriend was treating her..plus things that I have experienced in my own life. So, it's a combination of my story and another's

We were made to love
But somehow we always end up hurting one another
Some say we're looking for love in all the wrong places
So I will not look to mere humans
To get my fill of love
Go ahead and talk behind my back
Tell me you love me when it's just us
But act like you hate me when others are around
Beat me and break me
Use and abuse me
Hurt me till there is nothing left
At least that's what you think
But there is Someone who thinks otherwise
Despite my scars, bruises, and shattered heart
There is Someone who is ready and willing to pick up the broken pieces
And make me into something beautiful

Someone who will walk beside me when I'm struggling
Instead of just turning their back on me
He is the one who offers
Freedom from captivity
Light to the darkness
Truth to replace lies
Peace instead of chaos
Comfort instead of terror
And love instead of hate

An intoxicating love that has no limitations
Greater than all the hate this world has to offer
It is an unfailing love
One that I desire and He gives freely.

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." - Romans 15:5-6

Today has been a tough and trying day to say the least, but through it all I am reminded of the beautiful communities that I am a part of.

This morning a friend and classmate, Howard Fisher, passed away. As news of his death spread the campus became a wreak. Classes were cancelled and a special gathering in chapel was called. As the entire student body of Montreat College, and the faculty crammed into our chapel, we became more and more unified. As chaplain Steve spoke we just sat there, crying, praying, and thinking about Howie. After Steve was done many of us went to the front to kneel together in prayer. We were there for over an hour. As the chapel echoed with sobs from students and teachers, I couldn't help but picture Howie smiling at us; at us acting like the close community we call ourselves.

Howie was one of those guys that impacted everyone. He always had a smile and an encouraging word to share. I know that he would have been proud of the way the Montreat community was there for each other. The Montreat community was alive and well today, even though we are experiencing great loss. However, we are rejoicing because we know Howie is in a better place, rejoicing with our Savior right now.

Today caused me to rely on other community as well. Part way through the day, when I was just completely overwhelmed, I sent out a couple texts to different members of my TEAMeffort family, and talked to Marie on the phone. It was incredible how loved I felt as I received their responses throughout the day. Things like, "Thank you for letting me know, and you know I will be praying. If you are able to share more later please do. Know that I love you and I'm so proud of you and the God we serve," or "Christina, I can't even imagine! Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as well as his family and the school! If you need to talk, I'm here! I love you!"

My Te family is incredible and I love them so much! Such a huge support system for me, both during the summer and the school year. It put my soul at peace to know that I had "family" praying for me and my classmates, all over the country. It's such a unique bond that we have. One that is oh so beautiful!

Today reminded me more than ever that we were created to be in community with one another. We were created to be relational and to feel both joy and sorrow with those around us.

So Howie we miss you, but somehow you still manage to do great things for this campus even though you are up there dancing on the streets of gold, maybe even wearing a pair of red soccer cleats!