Home...

Recently I find myself thinking about home.... Where is home? What does it mean to have a home? And more questions like that.

My parents have just moved from our home for 18 years of my life. It's really the only home I know. This weekend I will be going to their new home. However, just because it is now their home, doesn't make it my home. The little brick ranch house on St. Andrews Church Road, will always be my childhood home. It will always be where I learned to ride a bike, drive a car, built tree houses, laughed with friends & family, and cried myself to sleep. Nothing can ever change that, it's where I grew up. Will I ever stop thinking of it as home? When I think of going "home" that's the place I think of.

So that's my childhood home, but where is home now? Suddenly my little apartment in Asheville has become home. It's where all my stuff is. It's where I go after work, sleep, and eat. It's where I'm comfortable, and can lounge around in my pajamas. It's where I enjoy the company of my roommate and friend, Sara. It's where our cat, Samson, curls up on my lap after a long day. What makes it home though? More than the walls or the roof over my head, I think it is the people who are in my life in this area. It's spending time with Sara and going on adventures. It's the security and comfort of friends and professors at Montreat. It's where friends have come to stay with me when they get back from Cambodia or Uganda. It's where I've spent time investing in the lives of students. This is where my church family is. My family at Grace, and my Bible Fellowship class, is a huge part of why this feels like home. It's my community that makes this home.

During my time at Montreat I really learned what it means to be a part of a community. Living in a dorm is not easy, serving as a Resident Assistant is even harder. I had to be available to invest in other people's lives, and also be vulnerable enough to let them invest in my life. I became part of a staff that walked through life together. Our RD, Michelle, poured into us as we poured into the girls on our halls. Tough questions were asked, tears were shed, and a lot of prayers were prayed. Some of the most stretching and beautiful relationships I had at Montreat where with Michelle and the RAs, specifically my RA partners. These are not people you can avoid when you're having a bad day. Your flaws are visible, and they are expected to call you out on the sin in your life. At times, letting people invest in my life and know the true me, was the very last thing I wanted to happen.

After being part of that community, I started to long for community in other parts of my life. I felt confident enough to be vulnerable and open with people at my church, which formed some incredible relationships that I have now. My Bible Fellowship class is a great example of community as we get together during the week to share life together, send texts to encourage or update one another, and most importantly, pray for each other.

It freaks me out a little to think about the next place I may go, and try to make home. I know the Lord has called me to international missions, but I don't know where or exactly when yet. It is scary to think about leaving this home. And not just WNC, but my friends all around the US. How will I keep in touch with everyone? Will the people I love forget about me? Will I have to meet friends' fiances through skype? Or not be there to give them a hug when they are really struggling or having a rough day, week, month, year? It kills me to think about leaving everyone that I love. To possibly miss out on the last years of my grandparents' lives, or the new phase of my parents' lives. I don't want to be forgotten, or lose touch with such special people. I know wherever I go will eventually feel like home and I will meet knew people who love me and support me (although that doesn't mean I'll forget or lose the old). As much as I love my friends and family, and want to be with them, I love my God even more and want to be where He wants me. Even if that means leaving home and going to unknown places.

So, I've decided that home is where I can be open and honest, without fear of judgement or being hurt. My parent's new home will be home, because with them I can be me, without any hesitations. Asheville/Montreat/Marion area is home because I have people who love and support me no matter what. People who will laugh and cry with me. I have community and homes all around the country and even different parts of the world, because people I love and trust have been called by God to live and minister in different places (I have the coolest friends). I know the next place can be home as well because I plan to have a community around me. I am reminded of how important the body of Christ is. No wonder Paul wrote so many letters to the church.

Why eat organic?

This is a question I ask myself everyday, possibly multiple times a day. Let me give a little background to why I am asking this question all the time. I am the manager of a coffee shop/cafe. The other half of our business is a gourmet market. Now I live  and work in the mountains of North Carolina, also known as hippie region. We carry a lot of organic products. However, I typically do not go a day without having to listen to a customer pitch a fit about something not being organic, even though a good 80% of what we carry is organic. Something may even be technically organic, with no hormones, but it does not have the USDA label so it is not good enough for them. Does eating organic cause grown women to act like 2 year olds, because if it does I want nothing to do with it?

 Why do people insist on eating organic? What is their reasoning? I know some people legitimately do it for health reasons. Parents do not want to pump their kids full of hormones. No one wants their 7 year old daughter to look like a full grown woman. Let me go ahead and say that I have no problem with eating organic, and especially no problem with fair trade. I myself eat organic products from time to time, and like for my coffee to be fair trade. I really do not have a problem with it if it's being done for health purposes. But let me tell you, one non USDA approved turkey sandwich will not kill you.

Does eating organic make one person better than the other? How many times have I heard, "Well I can't drink the milk you drink because it is not organic." Really??? I'm still alive and kickin' so it won't hurt you to have one latte without organic milk. I think being a organic eater or a local buyer has become something to be proud of, especially in my area. Do we really do it to because it's something we believe in, or are we following fads? 99% of the groceries I buy are not organic; so does that make me an "unhealthy" person.

Let me ask you this, do you think you have the "right" to eat organic? Ok so maybe you do. Are you entitled to it? No, you're not it's a blessing that you have that option.

According to the United States Census Bureau, "In 2010, 46.2 million people were in poverty, up from 43.6 million in 2009—the fourth consecutive annual increase in the number of people in poverty." It has probably increased since then, but that means that 46.2 million people cannot afford to eat organic. What makes you deserve organic food more than them?

Let's think globally here for a few minutes. What about the orphan in Haiti, who doesn't even know what the word organic means? Does he have the right to eat organic? He is very unhealthy, gets very few nutrients, has no mom to cook for him, yet fully enjoys the half of non organic pb&j sandwich he is offered.

Or the little girl in Asia who is forced to service men 8 times a day to "earn" her food. If she works a little harder, does she then have the right to eat organic?

Why don't we as Americans just ship all of our non organic food to other countries? Just think of all the kids who would so much healthier, their tummies would be full of food instead of empty and bloated.

Now I can't stereotype organic eaters and I know I am being very blunt. You may eat organic, but give to charity, or work with the orphans and the hungry. That's awesome. Praise God that He has blessed you to be able to eat organic food and help others.

I mainly just want to call attention to patterns I am noticing, and suggestions for making everyone's lives a lot more pleasant.

• The organic eater is not better than the single mom who does all she can to be able to buy non organic sustenance for her children.
• It will not kill a person to eat one meal that is not organic.
• If you go to a place of business and they do not have organic items, leave instead of complaining to the poor innocent employee who probably can't afford to buy organic food herself.
• You are not entitled to organic food, you are blessed to have that option.
• Think of those who do without food altogether.
• As believers, Jesus tells us to feed those who are hungry, and cloth those who are naked, for when we do this we are feeding and clothing Him.

Friends Part 2

This is the last week of college for most of my friends. In just a couple days it will be one full year since I graduated from Montreat. It really seems like it was forever ago. This week will be full of celebrating with friends and putting off saying good bye to those who are near and dear to my heart.

Recently I have been reminded of the many beautiful friendships the Lord has blessed me with. Those who are here in NC, but not limited to NC. Friends in Florida, Tennessee, Haiti, Georgia, Boston(well soon) and many many other places.

I love how the Lord puts people in your path to go through life with you. We may not still work at the same camp, go to the same school, or live in the same town, but a quick message can be sent to encourage someone and make a friend's day a little bit better. I love being able to sit and share our hearts with one another, whether we're in the same room or talking on skype. We are here to spur one another on towards love and good deeds. It makes me smile when I see friendships who actually do that. Sisters, who sit and listen to all the struggles that have taken place over the past year. It's so cool when a word doesn't have to be uttered  but knowing looks are shared and smiles grace each other's faces. When you haven't talked in weeks or months, but you can send a quick text that says, "Pray for me," and you know that is exactly what they'll do. Or a friend that you see every day and the craziness of life can get in the way, but you're called into the room and they say, "I just wanted to say, I love you." Oh how it warms my heart.

It is so good for us to remind one another that we love each other. Does the Lord not use friendships to love us? That's not the only way, but I know He blesses me over and over again through my sisters.

So to all my friends who are graduating or have graduated, "Congrats, you made it and I am so proud of you. I'm so glad I have been able to walk through this season with you."

To ALL my friends everywhere, "I love you and I so glad to be able to walk through life with you, whether I talk to you every day or we haven't talked in a while."

It is such a priviledge to be able to do life with one another. Let us not take it for granted. As spring turns to summer we all enter into new phases of life, or at least a new season :) But as life around us changes, let us not forget that it is the Lord who put us in one another's lives for a reason. I am sure He will continue to use us in each other's lives. HE is so good and faithful, even when we are not.

Little girl...

So I am sitting in a coffee shop, and  writing in my journal. In fact I was writing prayers. The guy sitting across from me asked if I was writing poetry. To which I responded, "No, but I do write some poetry, but this is just some thoughts."

After saying this a phrase popped into my head, "Little girl." My mind was flooded with pictures of little girls in the sex trade. What would I say to them once they were rescued? How could I even say anything? From that thought process I wrote down this. I have not editted this or anything. These are simply words that flowed from my head.

Little girl

Go ahead and cry

Cry out to your Father

Cry out against the men who are hurting you

Cry out to the people who have not rescued you yet

Little girl

It is ok to cry

You are not weak

You are stronger than I will ever be

You have a Father who is stronger than you

Little girl

Let the tears flow

I have a shoulder for you to cry on

I will hold you tight

He will protect you from the bad guys

Little girl

You do not deserve this

You have done nothing wrong

You are no longer a slave

Little girl

This is what freedom is like

Freedom means you can speak your mind

You can ask questions

You can yell

You can laugh

You can cry tears of joy

Or tears burning with a righteous anger

Little girl

It’s ok to cry

You are loved more than you can ever imagine

By the God of the universe

He will wipe away your every tear

Let the little children come

“They remember me, they really remember me.” This is what ran through my head as I sat on the hot dusty ground, while little Haitian children crawled over me, leaned against me, and climbed on my back. That day was my second time to this clinic in Tapio, Haiti, but it was nearly 4 months since that first trip when I became friends with these little boys. I had not learned their names, because we spoke different languages, and they did not seem to understand the little bit of Creole I had learned. I still do not know their names, but it is their beautiful smiles and faces, that have stayed in my mind and on my bedroom wall.

It was late in the afternoon when I decided to take a break from my triage station. I spotted some kids hanging out below a tree, and I wandered over to “talk” to them for a little bit. When you speak different languages talking with kids consists of a lot of smiles, high fives, and great big hugs. The little boys mentioned above came down to where I was a couple minutes later. The first one came up and slowly started to recognize me. We hugged, and took a couple pictures. Then the second boy (I should really come up with names for them) came halfway down the hill we were on. Once he got within eyeshot of me, he came running down the hill as fast as his little feet would carry him. He grinned from ear to ear, and as soon as he was close enough he jumped into my arms, almost losing his pants that were too big for him. I held him tight to me, and my eyes filled with tears. These were the boys I had been hoping I would see. The boys I had thought about every day since I left Haiti in September, and the boys I had prayed for and wished I could have taken them home with me.

We eventually sat down and played on the dusty ground, like I’ve already mentioned above. One of the older boys grabbed one of “my” boys’ head and shoved his scalp in my face. He was trying to show me the scabs that were on the child’s head. I realized that they thought I was a doctor. The older boys started to laugh at the expense of this little one. He looked up at me, and shame seemed to fill his eyes. I had no words to say, but just pulled him close to me and held him for a little bit. He pulled away from me and the biggest smile graced his face. At that point I’m pretty sure that he knew that I didn’t care whether he had scabies or some other infection. I was still willing to hold him and love on him. More than anything I hope those boys went to sleep that night, wherever they sleep, knowing that I love them. Maybe they replayed the scene in their head over and over again before they fell asleep; I know that’s what I did. I went to sleep that night, praying for them, asking God to protect them and to hold them close to them. My prayer is that they come to know the saving grace of Jesus, and that they grow up to be strong young men seeking to serve the Lord.

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

First one to get to me

One in the stripped shirt was the second of the two I had met last time.

After he had jumped in my arms

The little one who had scabs on his head

On my lap

Friends...

This post might end up being a little closer to the heart. Just a warning.

How and why do friendships just end? That is what I've been thinking about this morning. Yes, I know we grow up, move away, and life takes us in different directions. I know that, and I've been told that before.

But what about those friendships you thought would never end? People who you thought would always be in your life. People who you absolutely saw being at your wedding (not that I'm getting married anytime soon). People you spent extended amount of time with, and opened your heart to. Only to have them not respond to your texts, calls, or facebook messages. So, that time together might have been a couple years ago, but they were still people I trusted, looked up to, and valued their opinion.

We don't have to talk everyday, and life takes us different places so that we don't see each other as often, but do we really just ignore one another?

There are some friends that I can not talk to for awhile, but they can brighten my day with a simple text, or will leave me a comment on facebook and it brings a smile to my face. Why can't all friendships be like that?

Have we forgotten the times the good and the hard, that we spent together? Do you not remember sweating, laughing, crying, and praying together? The times that we thought tlife couldn't get any better, or even any worse.

So when friendships do end, what do I do? How do I deal with the hurt?

Yes, I've made new friends, but they were not to replace to old ones, but merely to build my community.

It's almost like grieving a loss. I guess I have to give myself time to hurt and "mourn" before I try to move on. Sometimes I want to act tough, like nothing really matters, and it doesn't hurt. But if I'm honest, it hurts to not talk to people who played such big roles in my life. It is nto fun to be ignored or to feel forgotten.

Now don't misunderstand and think I don't have any friends. I do, many great friends who are here now, or would be here in an instant if I needed them. Friends who have and still do sit with me when I cry, who give me an encouraging word, who pray for me all the time, and who skype with me even when the internet connection stinks and we have to type to communicate, but it's worth it to just see one another's face.

I have incredible friends, but that doesn't mean I don't miss the ones I've "lost."

Valentine's day blues? Not here.

So a little over a year ago I was asked out by a guy.Surprising I know. I was very flattered,and played with the idea in my head for a couple days. I knew ultimately thatit was not time for me to be in a relationship, and I had to turn him down. Idid not understand why I couldn’t date him, and could not answer people’squestions when they asked why I had not accepted his offer to go grab coffeetogether. I told him, and them that I did not want to lead him on; which wastrue, but it did not seem to satisfy their questions as well as my own. I didnot have an answer, and doubted my decision all the time. I remember listingall of his great qualities to the Lord, as if He didn’t already know them.

Now this guy is still a good friend of mine and I see himoften. Who knows, if the Lord wants us together then he will make it happen.However, there are things that had to happen between then and now that I wouldprobably not have learned had I been in a relationship. The past year or so theLord has started a process of what I call “stripping” me down. He has pulledall the excess things from my life, so that I had no other option, but to turnmy attention to Him. He did not want my heart to fall for a guy, but to fallfor Him. The Lord wanted to romance and win me as well as my heart. There was healing that had to take place and trust that had to be built. I had to let down my walls and surrender all to theLord, as well as allowing Him to heal the hurt places in my life.

Had I gotten in a relationship I probably would have looked to him for answers to my questions and doubts and for bandages for my wounds.Also I probably would have ended up hurting the guy instead of building him upand walking beside him as he strived to be a man of God. But the Lord said, “Iwill have none of that. I want you as my own.”

He continued to strip me of things I had held dear. He mademe realize that I did not need friendships. Instead I should look at them aspeople He has blessed me with, but not people I depend on. I went throughperiods of time that involved deep heart ache, late nights, when only He wasawake to comfort and hold me. I learnedthat He is all I need. Sounds cliché, but it’s true.

I learned that no one can love me the way He does. Once Istarted to see how much He truly loves me, it became easier for me to acceptunconditional love from friends and family. I learned that He does not love mebecause of what I accomplish or what I can give Him, because I really cannotgive Him anything other than my heart.

So this Valentine’s day, when I could be focused on how Icould be in a relationship with an awesome guy; I’m going to focus on myrelationship with the Lord. He is the ultimate Lover and paid the ultimatesacrifice for me. No earthly man has given his life for me to show me that heloves me, but Jesus did. He paid the price.

I do not want to join the masses and become bitter towardsall the couples celebrating Valentine ’s Day. Love is definitely a good thingto celebrate. However, let us realize we don’t have to celebrate earthly love,or love from a guy or girl. Instead, let us all rejoice in the fact that theGod of this Universe loves us. He loves us dearly. He is not giving us roses toenjoy for this one day, instead He has given us all of creation to enjoy forthe rest of our lives. We have mountains and oceans, flowers and animals, tolook at and be reminded that He created nature for us to enjoy and to bereminded of His power and love.

Romans 1:20 says, “For since the creation of the world God’sinvisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen,being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.”

There is no reason to not recognize all He has done for us.Let us take on this day to share the love of Christ with everyone we encounter,and to look around us and be reminded of His love.

Please don’t throw yourself a pity party. Get out thereand live the life God has intended for you. And share the love the Lord has lavished on us.

Take a look at these pictures and tell me that God doesn't exist. We serve a powerful and very creative God.

It is finished

It is finished.......... These three little words are stuck in my head and I am so glad they are. Ever since being at church, listening to my pastor's sermon, and taking the Lord's Supper with the body of Christ, I am in total and complete awe of what Jesus did on the cross. I have realized that it is indeed finished.

Yesterday I learned that radical means extreme change. The Gospel requires this extreme change. You cannot encounter the Gospel and not be changed from one extreme to the other. I always thought I had been a pretty good kid growing up, and I was, by the world's standards. But what had to extremely change for me was my love and devotion to the Lord. I could no longer just go to church on Sunday mornings. Once I fully realized what Jesus had done,(and this wasn't until my sr yr of high school) church on Sunday mornings was no longer enough. I couldn't wait to wake up each morning and study God's Word.

Now I have gone through periods of time where I was like that, and other times I had to use discipline to stay in the Word. However, after allowing the Lord to speak to me through the message yesterday, I feel like that high school kid who just discovered that the God of this universe died for me. Wow, it sill blows my mind, and I don't want it to ever stop. I do not want to become comfortable with this. Jesus gave the ULTIMATE sacrifice for me, the ULTIMATE sign of true love. No earthly person can ever love me the way Jesus did and still does. (That's something to remember, especially with Valentines Day being tomorrow.)

I have now heard the message and my attitude has been altered, but it doesn't stop there. It requires some action steps. I must now boldly proclaim the Gospel. In my words, and my actions. As many of you know I feel called to the mission field. After having gone to Haiti twice I realize more and more that missions is not about doing some good works, providing housing, or healthcare. Instead it is about saving people's life with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And it is not I who does the saving, but God Himself. I am merely a tool that He has chosen to use in the field. He definitely uses the works to accomplish good, share His love, and open people's hearts to the Gospel. It doesn't matter if one person receives salvation or one hundred, the angels are still rejoicing. It is not about numbers, becuase each person and soul is precious in the Lord's sight. He wants everyone to come to Him, He didn't come for the masses, but for each individual person. Praise God, that there are new brothers in sisters all around the world, thanks to obedient people who allow the Lord to work through them. So once again, It is finished. My battle with sin is finished. Not meaning that I will never sin or struggle with sin. But on that cross Jesus defeated the enemy. We are no longer his to be played with. We have a victorious Savior who battles against the enemy every day. We are His, and on what good news that is.

Last night we sang this song in youth worship. I have been singing it ever since then Check it out: It is finished By Matt Papa