Home...

Recently I find myself thinking about home.... Where is home? What does it mean to have a home? And more questions like that.

My parents have just moved from our home for 18 years of my life. It's really the only home I know. This weekend I will be going to their new home. However, just because it is now their home, doesn't make it my home. The little brick ranch house on St. Andrews Church Road, will always be my childhood home. It will always be where I learned to ride a bike, drive a car, built tree houses, laughed with friends & family, and cried myself to sleep. Nothing can ever change that, it's where I grew up. Will I ever stop thinking of it as home? When I think of going "home" that's the place I think of.

So that's my childhood home, but where is home now? Suddenly my little apartment in Asheville has become home. It's where all my stuff is. It's where I go after work, sleep, and eat. It's where I'm comfortable, and can lounge around in my pajamas. It's where I enjoy the company of my roommate and friend, Sara. It's where our cat, Samson, curls up on my lap after a long day. What makes it home though? More than the walls or the roof over my head, I think it is the people who are in my life in this area. It's spending time with Sara and going on adventures. It's the security and comfort of friends and professors at Montreat. It's where friends have come to stay with me when they get back from Cambodia or Uganda. It's where I've spent time investing in the lives of students. This is where my church family is. My family at Grace, and my Bible Fellowship class, is a huge part of why this feels like home. It's my community that makes this home.

During my time at Montreat I really learned what it means to be a part of a community. Living in a dorm is not easy, serving as a Resident Assistant is even harder. I had to be available to invest in other people's lives, and also be vulnerable enough to let them invest in my life. I became part of a staff that walked through life together. Our RD, Michelle, poured into us as we poured into the girls on our halls. Tough questions were asked, tears were shed, and a lot of prayers were prayed. Some of the most stretching and beautiful relationships I had at Montreat where with Michelle and the RAs, specifically my RA partners. These are not people you can avoid when you're having a bad day. Your flaws are visible, and they are expected to call you out on the sin in your life. At times, letting people invest in my life and know the true me, was the very last thing I wanted to happen.

After being part of that community, I started to long for community in other parts of my life. I felt confident enough to be vulnerable and open with people at my church, which formed some incredible relationships that I have now. My Bible Fellowship class is a great example of community as we get together during the week to share life together, send texts to encourage or update one another, and most importantly, pray for each other.

It freaks me out a little to think about the next place I may go, and try to make home. I know the Lord has called me to international missions, but I don't know where or exactly when yet. It is scary to think about leaving this home. And not just WNC, but my friends all around the US. How will I keep in touch with everyone? Will the people I love forget about me? Will I have to meet friends' fiances through skype? Or not be there to give them a hug when they are really struggling or having a rough day, week, month, year? It kills me to think about leaving everyone that I love. To possibly miss out on the last years of my grandparents' lives, or the new phase of my parents' lives. I don't want to be forgotten, or lose touch with such special people. I know wherever I go will eventually feel like home and I will meet knew people who love me and support me (although that doesn't mean I'll forget or lose the old). As much as I love my friends and family, and want to be with them, I love my God even more and want to be where He wants me. Even if that means leaving home and going to unknown places.

So, I've decided that home is where I can be open and honest, without fear of judgement or being hurt. My parent's new home will be home, because with them I can be me, without any hesitations. Asheville/Montreat/Marion area is home because I have people who love and support me no matter what. People who will laugh and cry with me. I have community and homes all around the country and even different parts of the world, because people I love and trust have been called by God to live and minister in different places (I have the coolest friends). I know the next place can be home as well because I plan to have a community around me. I am reminded of how important the body of Christ is. No wonder Paul wrote so many letters to the church.